Save The Children

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Something happened to my attitude about having children after my mom died. As a child, I had never played with dolls or had any inclination I’d want a child of my own. I was an unapologetic “tomboy” up until puberty, but even after that I never thought of wanting a family. It may have been […]

The Definition Of “Fat” Isn’t “Sick”

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This is me. I have the following medical conditions: Allergies Asthma Deviated septum Slipped cartilage in my jaw Anxiety Depression Tooth enamel issues Heart murmur Positional vertigo I was/am a model, and I am by no means healthy. I am, in fact, sick every day of my life. The idea that someone who looks like […]

Luck In Love

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I don’t put much stock in Valentine’s Day. I try to ignore it, but it’s more than a little impossible when even Amazon Kindle is sending me alerts about it to my phone. And while I spent Valentine’s Day with friends having fun and drinking, I still spent my last hour of consciousness wondering why […]

Why We Are Angry At The Fine Brothers

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If you are part of the YouTube community, you are probably already familiar with the trademark fiasco that The Fine Brothers stumbled into this past week.   There are thousands of opinions flying around, from lawyers to the younger Green brother. It’s been broken down piece by piece, and people have given their opinions. But […]

Full Of Yourself

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I’m reminded on a daily basis that I’m not supposed to like myself. That I do not have permission to feel good. That I need to change – be quieter, wear more make-up, wear less make-up, be sexy, be ashamed, be younger, change your hair, change your body, change your feelings. And I’m also reminded how I am not […]

Only The Lonely

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So today my boyfriend and I broke up. But really, it’s more that my friend and I just went back to being friends. We’ve known each other for almost a year and a half, and we only dated for less than two months. I have a lot of thoughts about it. I knew we’d still […]

My #2015BestNine

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It’s the end of the year, and all of us on Instagram are using 2015bestnine.com to see our “best” photos of the past 12 months. “Best” in this case means most liked by other people. Here’s mine. What this did for me was highlight what people on social media value about me. And it’s not a great […]

A Smoke Alarm Made Me Cry

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I am writing this as my hair is still wet from the shower. I was overcoming my lethargy today by taking it upon myself to shower and wash my hair. I then had plans to get some more work done, including filming a video for YouTube today. So I’m in the shower. And suddenly, ear-piercing […]

Everyone Is Gay?

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Earlier this month, a bunch of media outlets went bananas over a study that came out claiming to prove that there is no such thing as straight people. The conclusions that came from this study are absolutely bonkers. “We show straight men a picture of a woman masturbating and they respond just like a straight guy, but […]

Nicole Arbour Is Ugly… And So Am I

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In case you haven’t been keeping up on the latest YouTuber to alienate most of the community, Nicole Arbour is a woman on YouTube who calls herself “The World’s Sexiest Comedian” and makes videos to attack and bully people. Her latest video was a tirade of sad attempts at humor while shaming “fat people” for […]

Sharing Is Caring

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I’ve written before about sharing and not sharing your problems. I’ve been doing this for over a year now, and I want to share with you where sharing has gotten me. Did I use the word sharing enough yet? Over the past year, I’ve been shown how much sharing my life and struggles with people has […]

I’m Only Sleeping

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The past few weeks, I have been sleeping a lot. I sleep for 8 hours. I wake up and do some work. I feel terrible and go back to sleep. I wake up again in the evening. Then I go to sleep again. Repeat. I’m awake just enough to get work done. I barely do […]

The Constant

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If you were a fan of Lost (or a fan of parts of it, or maybe not a fan at all but you still watched it), season 4 episode 5 should stand out to you. It is a universal truth that “The Constant” is the best episode of Lost, and really just a solid episode of […]

Sometimes, Dead Is Better

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The only person on this Earth who has ever truly loved me died 2 weeks after I turned 17 years old. I was devastated and it forever altered my life. Later this year, I’ll have been alive without her as long as I was with her. I think about her every day. I miss her every […]

Faking It

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I have a confession to make. I fake it. I’ve been faking it or a while now. I’ve been doing it pretty much every time we are together. It’s become second nature to me. At this point, I don’t even really notice that I’m doing it. I want you to be happy, to enjoy my […]

My Rape Tattoo

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While discussing the recent controversy over the Batgirl variant cover, some thoughts on representing real trauma in comics versus what is appropriate for certain audiences came up. My very first tattoo was of the Happy Berry logo from Neighborhood Story/Paradise Kiss. Miwako from Happy Berry is one of my favorite characters, and she happens to also be a […]

I Wish I Had Cancer

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Last year, when I was in the deepest depression I can ever remember being in, I wished for a lot of things. I wished for help. I wished for the pain to stop. I wished for someone to love me. I wished for people to care about me. And I distinctly remember wishing I had […]

You Might As Well Face It – You’re Addicted To Love

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“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” ― Alfred Tennyson, In Memoriam I have to believe that Mr. Tennyson had never experienced love the way I (or maybe you) have, or at least his relationship with love is much different than mine has been. I don’t want to call […]

How To Fail At Social Media – Restaurant Edition

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Let’s start from the beginning. In January of 2014, I took my then boyfriend to dinner at a restaurant in Studio City, Los Angeles called The Village. While they are usually really crowded and loud, I really like their food and they serve good beer. We had an excellent dinner, and I tweeted as much […]

We Were Promised Hoverboards – Looking Forward to 2015

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If you are new here, then you might not know that 2014 made the top 3 worst years of my life. (Here’s my 2014 theme song.) But we’re not going to dwell on that. Instead, here’s the stuff that I got done and where I’m going from here. I started blogging. Yes, this year was […]